Responding to feedback

This will be the the most perfect day ever.

When we arrived at my Uncle’s house I had to have a bath. It was a quick bath because I wanted to play.

I hopped out of the bath and got dressed. Then Kalani and I played with the dog before going inside to watch a movie.

After the movie had finished we went to bed.

The next day Mum  took us to Nana’s and our cousins were there.  Mana, Maui me and our cousins and I went to our Uncle’s house. We got to see our other cousins.

Later on we all went to go to the school my cousin and I were doing cart wheels. It was fun and we were doing this thing where I was skipping and she was running and then I would run and she would skip.  

When we got back my cousin asked if I could stay for the night and it was a yes. When it was night we played hide in seek  in the dark but  I got hurt so I couldn’t play any more.

The next day we went to the pool and after that we went to the arcade.

Finally we went back to uncles. We were all tired when we got back to Uncles.

Toy cars

The Perfect Day

I am learning to make my writing more interesting for the reader. I know I will be able to do this when I add more detail, interesting words and include what I see, hear, smell and feel. 



The Perfect Day

I woke at 8:30 in the morning. We were all so excited because we were going to Nelson to see our family.

This will the the most perfect day ever.

When we arrived at my Uncle’s house I had to have a bath. It was a quick bath because I wanted to play.

I hopped out of the bath and got dressed. Then Kalani and I played with the dog before going inside to watch a movie.

After the movie had finished we went to bed.

The next day Mum took us to Nana’s and our cousins were there.  Mana, Maui our cousins and I went to our Uncle’s house. We got to see our other cousins.

It was a perfect day with all the family and cousins.